How life goes


Friday, September 20, 2013

Twins - A Short Story

The machines were all beeping rhythmically... If in any other mood she would have brought her guitar and would have built a tune in no time. She knew she was gifted with musical talent and was always thankful to God for her gift. She was very passionate about it …drempt of becoming a renowned musician one day . She  would practice it with devotion not leaving any opportunity she finds. But not today. Today she was in no mood. She even cursed herself for finding music in the machines that were working hard in ICU to bring her sister to conscious.  
The guilt grew exponentially with in her. She was already feeling terrible that she was responsible for her sister’s condition. Her attachment for music even during this period of grief made her feel even worse. 

She was not allowed in the room, yet she begged doctors for she thought they shared the same soul. She will fight against all odds to keep her sister alive. They were twins. She was just a few seconds older than her sister. After all, they were already bonded by the time they came out together to see the world. Their  mom always used to say them stories about  how they were looking for each other soon after they were born, how they acted as if they knew about each others existence. It used to throw them awestruck. They were inseparable since birth and  their mom felt that they could read each others mind even as babies. Their family was happy and complete by their birth. 
Mom named them both  Naina and Karna, for they acted as each others senses. They seemed to be different in many ways yet they were alike in their soul. Naina was always interested in music. Her  mom used to say that as a baby Naina would go to sleep only after she sang her good night songs. She started building her own tunes by the time she was 3. She would just combine names of her friends and family and sing them in a tune. And she was very good at it for her age. Mom and dad  put her in carnatic music class and violin class. She excelled in them even when she was youngest in the class. As an adult she started liking guitar as well. She is now playing guitar for probably 4 years. She is very good with it and would come up with tunes that seemed like a fusion between classical music with a little bit of western hint.

Karna on the other hand is very different from Naina in her interests. She was into sports and was a sports person since child. Although she was good at many sports she picked tennis…and would rigourously practice for it. They had many pictures of Naina and karna from those childhood days where one was holding a racket while other a violin. That was their identity. Since they were look a like twins that helped others recognize who’s who.
But now, Naina couldn’t control her tears. The tough sports star she knew is nowhere. She only saw a weak, fragile person lying on ICU bed,  with pipes and machines all around her. She couldn’t stop blaming herself for what happened to Karna. 

Mom and dad were outside since they were not allowed in ICU. Although they were praying continuously for Karna, they were worried about Naina too. They knew, the thought that they were one soul along with the brutal truth that Naina was driving the car little over the speed limit would tear Naina apart. She will not forgive herself and can go to any extent  in this emotional moment to punish herself for her sister’s condition.

Naina started talking…although karna was in no state to hear. She knew their senses are connected. She thought  “we were both conversing with each other even before we started talking. There is never any barrier between us. We are just one”. Memories from their childhood started flashing. Naina said to Karna , “Do you remember Karna... our class leader  Jenny when we were in 5th standard. She was such a bully. God only knows why our teacher made her the leader. You remember the day when we took our new video game our aunty got us from Saudi to school? We became the envy of Jenny’s eyes. Every one was around  us during the break time waiting for their turn to touch that super high-tech toy of those days. Jenny was smart enough to catch me while no one was around… especially you. How she threatened me and took it away.  When you came to know about it, how you dragged me along with you… how I was hiding behind you…for I was the soft, delicate one ...and already scared. You demanded Jenny return the toy. How you warned her you would break her bones if she doesn’t. Well, she was the least bit frighned and pushed us both  that we fell one over the other. You were always my protective shield. How you went to her angrily, twisted her hand around and grabbed the video game from her and gave it to me. You were always my greatest strength. She smiled and cried at the same time. Please do not leave me alone… I will be completely broken without you  around. 

She always wondered how her personality would have shaped up without Karna around. She wiped her tears and continued. "You  remember our 10th grade friend Nikitha. What a sweet heart she was.  That guy Varun was after her threatening her to be his girl friend. He was blackmailing her that he would morph her picture, make it vulgure and post it on school network if she was not going to accept him. What a hell Nikitha was going through when she finially decided to reveal it all to us. I still remember that it was a Friday evening when we made Nikitha send a message to Varun to come to a secret location. We made it look from a distance like she was waiting for him there. And finally when he came closer we all surrounded him holding cricket bats. I still remember how surprised and scared he looked initially but covered it up soon. That idiot felt it was not masculine to be scared of all females around. You hit him right in the spot and we all took videos and pictures of him whining in pain. How we threatened it would be posted on school network if he acted any more smart and troubled Nikitha. It gave me confidence on that day. Together we can win over  everything. We can conquer all our problems. I thought you and I are perfect meaning of made for each other.

Naina was going on even though she didn’t see any reaction from Karna. After a while she closed her eyes and she didn’t know when she slipped into sleep.

Come on Karna, hurry up, we are getting late,  I don’t want to be the last person getting in".
"Okay okay. Almost there ,,, let me set my dress right".

Okay I will go start the car", said Naina.
"No way I will not let you drive… You are too rash a driver… I will take the wheel", said Karna.
Hello Miss. With you driving we will reach there tomorrow".
 They both argued for a minute and then finally Naina grabbed the keys and ran towards car.
"Okay. That’s fine but do not speed".
Hello Miss Tennis Star… why are you behaving like a 90 year old. You take care of your dress and I will do my business", said Naina.
 And they started.
 Karna turned the music on and hoped that it would tame her sister down. Although she comes as a tough sports person she was always paranoid about speeding. 

"Do you think Rohit is going to come to the party",  Karna asked. 
"Look at Miss Pinky, why do your cheeks turn pink whenever you talk about him?"
"Stop it Naina"... said Karna too shy to admit. But there surely was something about him that draws her to him. 
Just then the phone rang. Naina saw it was from Surya. Surya was the most handsome guy in their college, the tall, dark and handsome kinds. With well built body. Naina just was too crazy for him. They both hardly ever spoke  and they did not have each others number until a day ago.
"Hi Surya", said Naina. "Hey hi Naina, the party has already begun and Shruthi was not going to   cut the cake until you guys arrive. Where are you?"
Shruthi and Surya were twins as well like Naina and Karna. Shruthi was her best friend in college while Surya though in same college was in different course. He does not mingle with Shruthi's classmates as much. Naina's heart was racing. She thought when would you start feeling the same for me Mr Surya. Naina's concentration slipped a bit and she almost hit a truck coming in the opposite direction.
 "NAINA...." shouted Karna. 
Naina controlled and came back to senses. Karna took the phone from her and told Surya that they just took the highway and would be there in 10minutes. "Okay. Drive carefully" said Surya and hung up.
Karna shouted at Naina. "What happens to you with this Surya guy around. "
Naina looked at her sister and winked. She said, "At least I don't turn all pinky you see"... Just then a Safari was coming in opposite direction, it looked like it lost control and slammed into  their car. It directly hit Karna. Naina shouted "KARNA...."

Naina suddenly opened her eyes to find that she was still next to Karna in ICU. How she hoped that it was just nightmare and none of it happened in reality. But that was not the case . She can never forgive herself for bringing such pain to her sister.

Just then Karna seemed to be moving her hands. Her eyes were moving rapidly inside her eyelids. Naina gave her sister a hug and went running to call the doctors. By the time they came back to ICU Karna opened her eyes weakly. She had a frown on her face. She weakly said, "Why are the lights turned off?". Naina was shocked. She completely went blank. The doctor went to Karna and asked her how she felt. She said something. Naina couldn't hear anything. She was lost. She was not sure how long the doctor spoke to Karna.The doctor then said to Naina "I need to talk to you and your parents". With this she came back to senses. She saw Karna was sleeping again. She started crying. She went running to call her parents who are waiting in the lobby. They all went to the doctors office. 
The doctor started, "Karna seems to be out of danger, she is responding well to the medication. However I have some bad news..." They all were listening anxiously. The doctor continued, "We were suspecting this after her surgery and now we have confirmed. Karna lost her both her eyes". All of them burst into tears at once. They couldn't believe what they heard. Naina was praying and hoping that she would open her eyes and find out all of this was a dream. For she couldn't take it anymore. Her heart was pumping very fast, she felt she could hear her heartbeat and blood flow. She was completely lost and fell on floor. Her mom although crying went to her and lifted her up. She was equally worried for Naina as for Karna. She  knew her daughters well enough. The doctor then continued, "at this point we cannot tell if this is a permanent damage. It will take sometime for her to heal. In this meantime either this could turn out to be permanent or she could get her sight back. All we could do now is pray and hope. You all have to be brave and give Karna support and strength. For she needs it the most at this time. There are many miracles that happen in this hospital every day which cannot be explained by science. Please be hopeful and pass on some positive energy to Karna".
Naina went running out of the room. She seemed to have completely lost her senses. She has to be calmed down. Mom and dad ran after her. She sat on the floor crying. They hugged her and hoped she would not blame herself. They were all on the floor crying. 

They had no idea how long it had been. It might have been a few hours or days, Naina didn't know. She had no courage to go to Karna. She sat there staring at wall. Suddenly it occurred to her how important her eyes are for her sports. She would be devastated if she finds out about her sight. She cannot play tennis anymore. All her dreams of becoming India's top tennis champion were shattered because of her. "It was all because of me, if only I let Karna take the wheel"
She wiped her tears and then said to herself, "I am going to straighten this up. I will give my eyes to Karna. This has to be done even before she finds out about her sight. She cannot achieve her goal without her sight. I have my music with me, my dreams do not need me to have sight. My ears and voice are good enough for me. I will do this. I will have to convince mom and dad as well. I am responsible for all this and I should be taking care of this. She should not be punished for my sin. She will become my eyes. I don't need any, as long as I have her".
With this she wiped her tears and started towards Karna.

Friday, September 13, 2013

Friends ForEver-A short Story

All the hands in clock are showing their unity and standing at exactly 12. Laya was smiling. She knew Jai was looking at the clock too at this very second. Before the seconds hand moved any, as though the time has frozen for him,  the phone rang. Not stopping her smile for even a second she picked up the phone without opening her eyes. “Happy Birthday to the Most Beautiful heart Ever”, the voice said.  Laya maintaining the same hearty smile said “Thank You”. This was her third birthday after she met Jai. And it has become a tradition for her to have her first wish from Jai ever since they became friends.
“You know what  I was thinking?" said Laya,  "that you had forgotten it this time…you haven’t mentioned anything about it this morning”.
“Forget Laya birthday- is not a word in my dictionary” said Jai.
“Very funny, it’s not a word, it’s a sentence.”
Jai, “They are both same in my dictionary”.
And they both burst laughing. 

“Wait a minute… someone is coming…I hear footsteps”
Just then the door bell rang.  “Bye bye… Got to go…talk to you later.” Said Laya and hung up.

Wondering who it might be at this hour she opened the door.

“Happy birthday to you… Happy Birthday to you… Happy birthday to Laya…” Sang the person on the otherside.

Holding a cake lit up with what looked like 20 candles.
Thank you Shriya,,, said Laya smiling and hugging Shriya….

“Ah ah ah… watch out gal.. you will ruin the cake…”
“Well I have every right to ruin it” said Laya not stopping smiling.
“You silly .. grow up.. you are 20 now”
“You first grow up missy… no more silly billy business with me”, said Laya..
“Hello… It’s been 20 days since I turned 20. Now don’t act too smart. I am 20% more smarter than you already”

“Really? Then please explain to me Ms Genius how does that make you 20% smarter?"
"Huh..." Exclaimed Shriya. "Because you are 20 but I am 20-20"
With this, They both burst out laughing...

"What is going on here... " he said rubbing his eyes... "Happy birthday my dear sweety pie"
"Thank you daddy... sorry we woke you up"...
 "I see that the party has already begun...hmmm ... am I invited?".
"Daddyyyyy..." she said rolling her eyes...

Dad then kissed her good night and went back to bed.
Shriya still looking at daddy's path after he left said, "You are so lucky to have such a wonderful father."
"I know.. he is my hero.", said laya
"By the way how did uncle allow you to get out of the house at this time."

He didn't I just sneaked out... Shriya said with a grin...
Miss 20-20 I have to admit you have grown smarter...

"Okay Lay... now it's time for cake cutting... the candles are all melting". Laya got a knife from kitchen, blew the candles and cut the cake.
As soon as she is done they both pounced on the cake as though they were tigers and it was their prey. They wrestled each other for biggest piece and started coating it on each others face.
"Stop it silly Lay the birthday girl gets coated in cake and gets the birthday bums...not others", said Shriya.
Laya didn't stop... "Okay okay... as much as you wish... okay here.. and here"... she said pointing at some open spots on her face... "Happy silly?" she said and they were both laughing...

"Hey I was talking to Jai and  hung up on him when you rang the bell. You want to talk to him?" asked  Laya. Laya and Shriya were childhood friends. They were neighbors, were of same age and went to same school and college. They were just inseparable from childhood.
Jai is their classmate now and is new friend that Laya made, however Shriya never liked Jai. She saw him as a disturbance between their friendship and never really saw him as a friend. Shriya feels that Jai is very impolite. To the extent that his actions are seen as disrespectful towards others. She absolutely hated how he addresses strangers and acquaintances as though they were his friends for ages.  She feels he crosses the line. Jai on the other hand finds Shriya bossy. He thinks she controls Laya more than she should be.
 Laya however is trying hard to bring them closer. They are the two most important friends she has and it saddens her that they both can't stand each other. She never leaves any chance she gets to bring them any nearer.

"Ahh Nope. Not now" said Shriya. Laya is finding some ray of hope. They have not been showing that intense aversion towards each other lately. She just smiled.
"Okay silly, I got to go..."
"Why can't you sleep here tonight.?"
"Are you kidding me. If my dad finds out I sneaked out, he will kill me. See you tomorrow girlie. Happy birthday and I love you." She hugged her and left for the door. Laya went out to see her off.

She got back inside locked the door and went to her room. She was so happy and has not stopped smiling. She felt blessed for having such wonderful people around her and went to sleep.

Laya's mom shook her awake holding an aarthi plate. "Mom I am 20 now. Too old for such things". "You are always my baby and you never grow old for Prayers and blessings", Said mom. Laya tried to put an angry face and got up from bed. Mom turned the Aarthi plate around her, applied tilak on her and said "Happy Birthday to my Baby". Laya hugged her mom and left for bathroom.

She was very much excited about her new birthday dress. She went out shopping with her dad and found a beautiful pink and white dress with kundan work. She got matching shoes as well. As soon as they came home from shopping mom was angry looking at the price tag. Layas smile vanished immediately. It took a while for dad to convince mom and bring smile on the two most pretty woman of his life. Laya always felt stronger and protected around her dad.

She put her new clothes on and her younger brother Vishnu came running to her. Vishnu is studying 9th standard and looks up to his sister for everything. Happy birthday sissy, he said hugging her. Dad, mom, Vishnu and laya all left for temple.

When they got back home, dad gave Laya 3000 Rs to spend so she can enjoy her birthday with her friends. Laya's face lit up. "But be home by 7. We will have family evening out", he said. Sure daddy. Laya ran out of house all happy and smiling. She made plans. She thought they would attend first 2 classes in the morning and then go to movies, spend sometime at mall and have lunch there.

Her day went well with Shriya and Jai and the beautiful gifts they presented her. Shriya gave her a pink watch with white stones embedded. Perfect! she said, this will go very well with my dress. Jai gave her a pink t-shirt with her picture on it and a caption that said, "Most innocent smile ever". "So you are all pinky today". "Yes, that is my favorite color"
She noticed that the usual friction between Jai and Shriya is missing. She felt happy and was hoping they would become good friends. They all attended couple of classes after lunch and Laya was home by 6.

Laya was happy to see her favorite desert her mom made for her, she ate a bowl full of it and was waiting for her dad and Vishnu to be home. Dad was home.. he was holding Laya's gift, an iphone. Laya just screamed with excitement. "OMG OMG is it for me?" she went running to her dad and not being able to hold her excitement she was jumping. Mom gave an angry look saying you are going to ruin her. Dad then said, come on she came first in the last semester... she deserves it.

They all went out for dinner to one of the nice restaurants around. They picked a nice private cozy corner and were all looking at the menu as to what they want to order. Laya suddenly got distracted with familiar voices. She looked around and was completely shocked with who she found there. She saw Jai and Shriya sitting at the table diagonally across to theirs and holding each others hand. She couldn't believe her sight. It felt like the most impossible thing that could ever happen. She felt betrayed and ripped. She felt cheated. She was with them all morning and none of them spoke absolutely nothing about this.Let alone speak they didn't even give away any hint for her to believe they are seeing each other.  She hated them both at this very second. Nothing else seemed important to her any more. She felt like throwing away her new iphone. For all the love and faith she had on them she gets this? betrayal? Just then she saw Shriya looking at her. A look of surprise and guilt on her face. She said something to Jai and he turned around too. They both released each others hands. Jai was looking at her with a look of sorry in his eyes. She thought no number of sorry can ever wipe out her pain.She felt deserted. She felt something stabbing her heart and ripping it apart. She looked away. Not being able to stand the sight anymore. She controlled her tears. She said to herself they do not deserve her tears. They do not even deserve her hatred. She wanted to leave the place. She wanted to scream. Her parents noticed the change in her. They saw the pain in her eyes. But they dared not ask her. They thought they will give her sometime before asking. They were all ready to leave.They paid the check and left the place. On the way home everyone was silent. That lively spirit that existed all day is no more. They hoped that Laya is alright and that things will settle down. For they can't see this sadness on Laya's face.

Laya felt sorry for her parents. She felt she is not being fair to them. They did so much for her all day and all they wanted in return was for  her to be happy. She shouldn't be giving them pain for all their love. She hugged them good night and said that this was the most memorable birthday ever for her. In a way it was. She left for her room and closed the door. She said to herself she is not going to cry. NO! NO!NO! But she couldn't stop. Rain of tears started pouring down her cheeks.She lied down on bed.She was not going to make the usual goodnight call to Jai. She wondered if she would ever talk to him again. Or even Shriya. The very thought hurt her. She felt disabled, like she had lost some important parts of her body. It felt like her world fell apart. What a turn her life took today. The day that started with a happy note seemed to be so far away in past. She cried the whole night. She didn't know when she slipped to sleep.

It was the next morning. She saw in the mirror that her eyes were swollen. She spent as much time as she could to get rid of the signs of sorrow on her face. She prolonged her breakfast for as long as she could because she dreaded going to college. When she realized she can't do it anymore she started for college.

The first class started and although she was in the classroom she couldn't hear anything. She felt the whole world's muted. Just then her phone vibrated. She saw it was a text, from Shriya saying, Sorry. Please give me a chance to explain. Without any reaction she put the phone aside. The phone vibrated again. This time it was Jai. Please Laya, it hurts to see you react like this. Please give us a chance to explain… Hurts my foot. You have no right to even utter that word she thought. She turned the phone off and kept it aside. Shriya and Jai waited for next 2 classes until it was lunch time. They couldn’t hold it any longer. They couldn’t see her falling apart. They both held her hand and dragged her out of the classroom.
Laya turned her face around but Shriya continued.Laya,  remember this semester summer break when you went for vacation… that is when we realized how much we were a part of each other all the while hating one another. You were the only person who was bringing us together, without you around, there was no  reason for us to even talk to each other. That is when we started missing each other. We didn’t dare call each other the first few weeks, but we were missing each other terribly. Finally one day Jai called me and asked me if I could get his library book from your house and give it to him.  I agreed. We met and it was an amalgamation of emotions. We were each seeing  other in different perspective. We felt great being together, at the same time we felt weird for what we were feeling for each other. The next day my cousin Rohan and I went to movies and on the way home our car broke. Fortunately Jai was passing by, I introduced the 2 guys to each other and they just got together so well. As usual Jai was all over Rohan behaving as though he was already thick friends with him. He offered help and the two guys started pushing the car to garage. The act that seemed so rude and impolite all these years started seeming special. He looked like a confident go-getter. I absolutely fell for him. Jai also started understanding me better and within no time we were seeing each other. I know we should have let you know about all this, but I couldn't dare do that. I was afraid my parents would some how find out. You know how strict they are. They would stop my education and lock me in a room if they came to know about it. I was very afraid and wanted to keep this to only us both. I know how hard this hit you but we never had any intention to hurt you. Our conversations are always around you even though you are not with us. Please forgive us. I wish this was not the way you found out about this. 
Laya looked at them both. They were almost crying and begging like babies. She couldn't see their sad faces any more. She knows they both like her and can go to any extent to keep her happy. All they did was fall in love with each other, which was not a crime. They were helpless and had their own fears. I should be there for them. I should stand for them and feel happy for them. In fact I should be the happiest ever, they are my two best friends and I have not left any stone unturned to bring them together. Is this not what I wanted? To see them closer? Then why am I reacting like this? I am just not being fair on them. I love them both. Now they are going to be my responsibility. Laya wiped her tears and hugged them both. You know what ...I am going to kick you both if you ever neglect me. I have two best friends but I am the only best friend you guys have. she said.
" silly Lay..." Shriya said.They all hugged each other and walked back to classroom.

Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Miss You

Life is never a smooth ride. I now understand what prince Gautama might have gone through that made him Buddha. I was contemplating if I should write this post but no... I have to let this out.

I now understand how much sorrow the death of your loved ones bring. You think you know it when you see others going through it. No actually you don't ! No one can ever image what it is to lose a family member if you haven't experienced it yourself. And God forbid you shouldn't go through any such thing. 

2012 had been worst year of my life. I hated God. I hated Him for taking away my dad from me. I hated him for taking him away so early... For taking him away when I was not around.... For taking him away when none of us was expecting any such thing... I hated Him for not giving me an opportunity to serve my dad... I hated Him because my daughter would not even have any memories of her grant father.... I hated him for everything. I confronted Him... I challenged him.... I couldn't come to terms with Him....

The best part of my life have always been my parents.... I don't think it is common to have a dad as loving and as caring as my dad was. I was extremely lucky to have him as my dad... I don't know what I have done in my past births that God showered me with his blessings and gave me loving parents.... Only to take them away!!!!!!! It is such a tough realization to know that they won't stay there with you forever. 

I respect my dad for being the person he is... He was not just a caring father but also a loving husband. At the times when having a daughter was considered a burden ( I know educated people who think like that even now) he raised 3 girls with so much love and care and never compromised on anything for our well-being and provided the best he could for us. I know my mom played a major role too. It's such a boon to have a modern educated parents who never felt that girls are any less to boys and always inculcated the same in us. 

But now all that is gone... I now am only left with a shattered mom who is trying to wear a brave look but I know how broken she is from inside... Losing a companion who was with her through thick and thin for most part of her life is not something that can be overcome easily. She always thought that God paid her off with the best companion she could ever imagine for all the puja she did when young. It was a dream come true for her to get married to dad. Now ... After all these years... She feels she is unlucky.... That she has to go through the old age all alone... That she is left alone in her life when the companionship is most needed. 

What a big blow it is on every one of us. Could there be anything more painful than this. We are all exposed to ugly truth of life.... The death... How we all knew that death existed but still never give it a thought... Never knew how painful it can be...  It came on all of us... To show its presence... It's power... It's capability to ruin the show its importance... 

I hate myself for not being able to dream about talk to him in dreams... Like how I talk to him everyday on my way to work... That would be the closest I could get to him now. How I wish to see him everyday.... 

I read about life and death in Hinduism... What we believe would happen to the dead... If your deeds are good enough you get moksha and you unite with Brahma will be relieved from the cycle of birth and death... However I am not able to wish this to be happening to dad... I wish to see him again.... Not as my child or any kind of other relation...but like my dad again... I didn't get to spend enough time with him... I want him back... I want him back as my dad.. I want the same love from him... The same pure and unconditional love he gave us all... I know I am being selfish.... But I can't come to terms to the fact that this is all I get... I want more... I want more of his love... His presence... And an opportunity to serve him ... To look after him... To be there for him in the need. 

I still remember how he explained algebra to me the first time I came across all those x and y in math class. It blew me. Why should you have those x and y in math. Aren't those alphabets. Aren't numbers different from letters? That was what we learnt for all those early years in school. He knew everything and had answer for everything. He was my hero.

He was  an intellectual  Person and was my inspiration. He was such an optimist and had trust in everyone. He would say that the world is built on trust and that you have to trust everyone around you, which is complete contrast to mom. They were both right in their own ways. 

He always had a civic sense towards the society. He would try not to litter on roads... he would conserve energy, water and all those scarce resources in the world. He would follow the rules and wouldn't think of breaking them. 

I still remember how stubborn and irresponsible immature a kid I was. I always wanted the best for me among all my friends on my birthdays.... I should have the best dress.. I should give away the best chocolates...  And poor dad had to provide them all. Ofcourse he had to fight with mom to give them to me...I still remember we used to travel couple of hours to get to the stores for the nice birthday dress... And I cared the least about the price... How I felt dad can get me anything I wanted. How protected I felt when I was with him.those are the best days ever. When I look back at those days I admire my parents for not only providing the best education they could but also for making sure we don't miss out on small pleasures of life as children.

I feel sorry for Ishita. Sorry that she doesn't know her grant dad... she will have to live her life with no memories of him. I remember the short time he spent with her... when she was really small... only a few months old.. when she was not of the age of being socially responsive, He used to tie all the colorful toys/papers to her bassinet mobile and get excited that she is watching them rotating. he taught her play with rattle, when she was so young and would not even be able to hold it in her hands, and every time she drops them off he would show her how to play and then give it to her to do the same. This was the age when even Vijay was not comfortable playing with her. The father daughter time started when she started social smiling and started responding to what he did. If dad was able to engage her at such an young age, it kills me to think what kind of bonding they could have developed now and in future.

Losing my dad made me vulnerable. I am just not the same person I was a year before. It scares the hell out of me when my mom doesn't pick her phone. Any phone call I receive from my sisters I get frantic if I have to hear any bad news. Life is just not the same. The harsh truths of life are hitting me with their most powerful weapons. Why did the time have to move, why can't we always be my dad's little birds in our own happy nest.Why did we have to grow up, why did we have to move out of our happy home, why did I have to stay thousands of miles away from my parents. And now he is so far that none of can reach him. I so wish I can see him and talk to him. I will always love you and miss you forever. You are my Hero.   

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

The Woman in Me!

With so much disaster happening all around the world, I now strongly feel, yes 2012 it is. As though the natural calamity in Japan, where you have absolutely no control over and all you can do is put your hands together and plead Him to end this turmoil, is not enough. And as though we want to show Him, we are capable of a catastrophe ourselves, we created the Libya.

I was listening to the radio on my way to work and there was this interview with a brigadier who was a member of the crew that was bombing Libya. And when asked about it, he said
"We were able to cause the maximum damage. We were successful".
The very vision of the destruction created tumult in me. I started convincing myself, may be it is necessary, may be killing for a cause is okay.

however I couldn't take the words "maximum damage.. successful". I couldn't even chew it, let alone digest it.

I was so surprised at my own reaction to the whole situation. I felt matured, I can see the birth of a woman in me. Had this happened one or two years ago, I would have felt that this was the right thing to do. You should not tolerate any atrocities happen to you and you should be a fighter and revolt back. This is how the world works and that silence is viewed as weakness.

I know motherhood made me more vulnerable, sensitive and emotional as a person.

I started thinking about the ideologies of Gandhi and Bhagat Singh. I admire Bhagat Singh a lot. If we owe anyone for our freedom then it's for the likes of Bhagat Singh who sacrificed their life for all of us to enjoy it. I used to feel, when compared to the sacrifice made by Bhagat Singh, Gandhi hadn't done enough to enjoy all the glory he is in now.

But now with growing age and maturity, I understand Gandhi's ideology. He was so strategic and thoughtful that comes only with age and that is so contrast with young rebellious blood.
Now I feel may be young people are not the right persons to lead a nation. With your blood boiling and with your thoughts so rebellious your actions might not be as wise.

However the words "maximum damage.. successful" still puzzle me.
I said to Vijay, how can killing people is looked at as success? As usual his wise thoughts again put me into thinking.

He talked about Arjuna in Gita. Arjuna had to kill his own Guru for the cause of good.
I again felt that good cause is again perception. Something you view as a good might not be for others. Nations and borders are created by you. Can you justify your act of killing, in front of God?

I think I should read Bhagavat Gita to get some answers. I have been wanting to read it for a long time now.

Monday, March 01, 2010

My First ever Short Story - Swecha

Swecha is tensed, rambling aimlessly in the room. Although her best friend Ria is trying to comfort her, it's not helping! She couldn't calm her mental turmoil. It's been 4 hours since her brother Shiva 's gone, he went out with Ria, saying that he needed her help in picking up the right plants for his garden, a hobby he started pursuing just recently. Although Ria was back almost 2 hours ago, her brother was still gone. Ria said Shiva asked her to go home and that he will be joining in a while. That is what is bothering Swecha, all through the years she was with her brother he never behaved so irresponsibly.

Though Shiva and Swecha were brought up in a very very conservative environment, both the siblings share a very strong emotional bond. Perhaps the fact that they were only one year apart also contributed to it. She knew it's getting late. She knew they already crossed the deadline their parents had set for them to be home. Although she was frustrated with her life, her brother and her best friend were the only two things that fuel her life. Both Shiva and Swecha forget themselves when they are at Ria's place. Ria's older brother Rohan, her parents, her grand father and grand mother, everything about her place is warm and refreshing, unlike her home. She always wondered how can God create such a contrast of things.

She looked at her watch and it's already 8 PM. It's 2 hours past her deadline. It was amalgamation of emotions in her mind. She was angry at her brother, at the same time worried for him. All the memories of herself and her brother started flashing in her mind.

She was 11 years old and her brother was 12. Her brother would ride her to school and help her with homework. One day few of her classmates got Holi colors to school and with the excitement of Holi around the corner, she just forgot all about her parents and played with them like a child. Shiva was terrified looking at her uniform and what their parents would say. They both went home fearing what would happen next. Luckily their parents were not home and Shiva and Swecha together used up a whole cake of detergent until the stains were all gone and how their faces were glowing when the uniform got back it's previous glory.

She laughed for a second and then suddenly she realized it's 8 30 PM already. She is praying to God that nothing should happen to her brother. She closed her eyes and went back into memories.

As children they were never let out on any picnics the school would organize. For them school is not a place for fun and you don't go there for entertainment. She remembered a lot of picnics she missed going with friends and how her brother would take her at later time. Her favorite one being the one to the exhibition, although they had to comeback home hurriedly. She loved that place, somehow she always found it fascinating when she is among crowds. She liked watching people and always used to find happiness in other people's joy. She felt the whole world was happy and she had no right to complain about her life when everyone else is enjoying it.

Swecha's parents marriage had no elders approval, they ran away from home and got married and since then they didn't have any close family. As Swecha started growing up she somehow felt her mother was never happy with her marriage and that she always repented her decision. That could be one of the reasons for their conservative upbringing. She was always annoyed by her name, 'Swecha' which meant freedom and she was not the privileged one to carry it.

As Swecha turned 16 she was accompanied by either her brother or her parents everywhere she went, even to her college. Shiva on the other hand didn't get enough freedom for himself. All this made the brother and sister bonding even stronger. Shiva had to drop her off in her college, go to his college and had to pick her up on the way back home. It's been 5 years since they have been doing this, now Swecha is 21 and Shiva is 22. Swecha is doing her MBA and Shiva his M Sc in Math.

OMG it's already 9 PM. She looked at Ria, and she can see the anxiety in Ria's face. Rohan just left to look around for Shiva.

It was her first day in MBA and Shiva just left after dropping her off at the campus. She was both excited and tensed at the same time. She always wanted to do MBA and be an entrepreneur. She asked the attender for the first years classroom and nervously stepped inside and found a seat for herself. She looked around and found both fear and excitement in her new classmates faces. As she was making herself comfortable and setting her things up, a petite girl with a nice smile on her face came to her and asked if she could sit next to her. Swecha made some room for her and started noticing this girl. She was fair with sharp features and carried a cute smile with her. She can see she had a lot of confidence in her attitude and started liking her from the very first minute.

She Said 'Hi! I am Ria'. Swecha smiled back and said 'Swecha'

'That's a very pretty and thoughtful name. It means freedom.'

'Yes. It does' said Swecha again hating her name as usual.

The professor came in and there was this introduction with all the faculty members and the professor wanted one of them to come forward and say a few words on why they have chosen this college over others. Swecha was tensed now and she was really not ready for this. Ria went ahead and started speaking! She spoke with so much clarity that alarmed Swecha. She felt amazed that Ria did so much of research on all the MBA programs offered in the city and had very clear reasons on why she had chosen this particular college. The whole faculty looked impressed. After she is done and came back to Swecha's desk, Swecha was looking at her with astonishment. She couldn't stop admiring her. Ria just smiled at her.

That is the day their friendship started and they both stayed together through thick and thin. In this whole process Swecha learned a lot from Ria. She always felt confident when Ria is around.

She would always go to Ria's house on the pretext of combine studies and Shiva would always come to drop her off. Shiva, Swecha, Ria, Rohan have all become good friends and enjoyed each other's company.

Swecha was amazed how a person can be so responsible, matured and at the same time be so humorous and fun loving, looking at Rohan. Rohan was such a support to their parents and sisters and at the same time he maintains balance in life. He never misses going out with friends and at the same time will be there around for his family. Swecha was slowly falling for him and how much she hated herself for it. She felt she was betraying her mother. All these days she used to feel bad that her mother never trusted her and had brought her up like a prisoner. But she was proving her mothers fears to be true and she hated herself for it.

It was Ria's birthday last Saturday and Swecha really felt she was the blessed one. Her dad got her a new SLR camera and also got her tickets to Andaman Cruise where she can be at peace and put her mind best at work. Ria had this hobby of photography for a long time and is even taking part time classes on the same. She sent her pictures to various competitions and won few prizes as well. This time she really wanted to participate in this national level photography competition and her family is standing by her side as a pillar. She really felt happy for Ria.

Rohan came back and was frantically shouting 'I can't find him, I can't find him'. Swecha looked at her watch and it is already 10 PM. She has to do something, but don't know what. She is saying to herself 'Think! Think! where can he be!'
'Why would he do anything like this to me?'

Ria was holding back all this while since she didn't want Swecha to get anymore nervous and tensed. But she felt it is high time for her to tell what has happened.

'Swecha! I need to tell you something! Now please don't get panicked and listen to what I am going to say. We can all think and see what we can do.'

Swecha was not expecting anything like this from Ria at this time. She was confused and looked at her with a puzzled face.

'Shiva took me out to propose to me! I was in such a shock myself! I always liked him but I never had any intentions for him. '

Swecha was listening to her with her eyes wide open.

'I didn't want to hurt him, at the same time I didn't want him to live with any false assumptions. probably I was a little rude. He was upset and asked me to leave the place. I thought he will comeback and was waiting for him as eagerly as you have been.'

'I am so sorry Swecha.'

Swecha fell down. She felt her world had come to a stand still. If only this were a dream, if only I wake up in the morning to find out everything to be normal. Swecha was broke, she was mad at her brother, how could he be so foolish? at the same time she felt sorry for him.

'Swecha, calm down, we have to put our brains at work. Just think where he can be, he must be really dejected. We have to find him soon.'

Swecha controlled herself. She realized she has to be strong, she learned a lot from Ria, now is the time for her to be a strong woman. The world has not been kind enough to her and her brother, she has to fight back.

She went to restroom, washed her face and cameback with a renewed energy to fight back. She started thinking, where can he be? where can he be? if she knew her brother well where would he go? She went back into memories to see if she can find any lead.

It was a lovely morning, the sun is shining yet you don't feel the heat, there was a nice breeze along with it as though the sun is playing hide and seek with it. Shiva usually becomes very thoughtful with nice weather like this as though someone had plucked an emotional cord inside him. On that day he wanted to visit NTR Ghat and Swecha accompanied him. Swecha still remembers how overwhelmed he was visiting the place. He was so disturbed and he had so many thoughts going on in his mind. He was annoyed that a legend like NTR had to die like any other person. He realized God created everyone the same way. You come to this world like anyone and you break the ties and leave it like anyone. It's your achievements in life that define you as a person. He was amazed by thinking that how a place that signifies death can be so full of life. He was experiencing an amalgamation of emotions and was not sure if it was making him a stronger or a weaker person.

Swecha all of a sudden cried 'NTR Ghat!'

Rohan and Ria were puzzled not understanding anything.
'We need to go there! RIGHT NOW!' said Swecha.

Rohan, Ria and Swecha all got into the car hurriedly, Swecha was praying to God all through her drive. Rohan was driving and he jumped a couple of red lights persuading himself that rules were only created to save lives. As soon as they reached the place Swecha got off the car and ran inside frantically.

She found her brother, buried his face in his palms. She ran to him, Shiva saw her and hugged her tightly.

'I was this close to death. But No! Life is a gift, God created us all for a purpose. I could not cheat Him and face Him. I know why NTR had been a legend. He was a fighter, he never gave up. '

'Swecha, all this made me a better and a stronger person! I am going to seek my purpose and give a meaning to this beautiful life God had gifted me.'

Swecha couldn't control herself. She was crying and thanking God at the same time. She was happy to find her brother back. She felt she won over life, she felt a new confidence in herself. She realized life never gives opportunities, she has to grab one.

All four of them started walking towards their car with a new approach towards life...

Monday, February 15, 2010

Changing Times

Time is moving, and it is moving now, moving at a pace that it has always been moving, since it's evolution. No one would argue on that except for old people, who according to some studies, feel time's changing faster at old age ;)

Well even though time is moving at constant pace the world is not! If you measure time in terms of evolutions and break throughs then it is moving at the speed of light! An electronic item we bought yesterday will become obsolete today. Major inventions and breakthroughs in the field of science and technology happening every so often that you cannot keep track of it.

TV's and VCR ruled the modern world for quiet some time. Then came VCD promising good quality and sleek look, then DVD promising even better quality and when you think you got accustomed to DVD comes the HD Blue ray promising more real like effect. I cant even imagine what is in store for us next. Would pictures come out and act and dance in front of us? People are starving out there for 'Real Like' experiences and that is leading way to more inventions.

The web is the major advancement in the modern times and the comfort level of people has increased drastically, blending the entertainment and education all in one place. All these major advancements have become part of your life so much that life spent before them looks like caveman times and makes you wonder how you even existed without them.

All this makes me wonder if long term planning, strategic planning are all still existing in corporate world. Time has become so unpredictable that it's almost impossible for us to even think what direction you want to go in next 5 years.

To keep up with changing world you need to be very flexible and quick in reacting to the change. We see all the companies now have a twitter account, they even hire people to create tweets and respond to their followers tweets. Would they have prepared for this change in their planning earlier? I think these days it is more import to be adaptable and flexible rather than have a fool proof long-term plans.

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

What's this fuss about racism?

We have been hearing the news on racism against Indians in Australia and various other countries. I have had some friends who shared with me their personal experiences on how they get treated in Europe and in various other countries as well. Luckily I have only been in the US and no other country. The people here are warm and definitely more welcoming.

Well, nobody supports racism, at least openly and we have every right to protest and fight if we are discriminated based on our race. Then why do I have such a heading?

Recently I came across this news about KCR civil war slogan Telangana Jago and Andhra Bago! He calls for all Telanganaites to throw Andhraites out of the region! It's a known fact that he is looking to divide our state and feast on it. The divide and rule is like a rule of thumb and will always work. I don't think it is any less than racism, if racism discriminates you based on your race, this one based on your region.

It's not just the case with Andhra, certain faction groups in Maharashtra as well disregard people migrated from other states. Well, you discriminate people in your own country and expect other countries to show you respect? I don't think we have any right to point out at other countries unless we correct our own flaws.

It all comes to divide and rule, our rulers fragment us into various classes and play on sentiments of each section and count on their votes.!